6am.
Wake up. Shit, it's late.
I wanted to wake up earlier.
Okay, get dressed..oh man, I forgot to wash my uniform. Does my other uniform fit? Where is my other uniform? I don't have time for this.
I'm going to make breakfast now. Oh, wait, did I pack my lunch? I should pack my lunch. What am I going to eat? What's easy? I'll just pop this in the microwave.
Microwave beeps. You pack your lunch and put it on the counter.
Okay, I need my keys now. Where are my keys? WHERE ARE MY KEYS? I'm going to be late. Oh my god, I'm going to be late. Okay..where could I have put them.. Crap, I didn't eat breakfast. Did I brush my teeth? I think so. I don't remember. What am I looking f...keys. Okay.
I'm getting frantic, and now I've torn apart most of the living room and dining room.
I'll go wake up my husband, he can help.
He's not happy to be woken up again, but he finds the keys in my jean pocket from yesterday. Thank God. OK. Need to run.
You get into the car. Drive.
F. I forgot my lunch, it's on the counter. Great. Now I didn't have breakfast and I won't have my lunch. Do I even have my wallet? Where is my purse? I think I forgot that too. Ffffffff. At least I'm not going to be late. I hope I don't get pulled over. One time I got pulled over and I got a ticket. I hated that. I hope work doesn't suck today. I'm hungry. I hate this song. I should change it.
You start changing the radio station. You look up. Red light. You slam the brakes and almost hit car in front of you. Your heart is racing.
Ughhhhhh, that was close. This always happens. Why does that always happen?
You approach your job. You go to park but swing the wheel too fast and press the gas a little too hard. You hit the pole and dent your car.
WTF. HOW. I just hit a pole last month backing out. Why are there poles everywhere??? I didn't even see it. I think my depth perception sucks. OK, where did I put my keys? How did I lose my keys again? They must be in here, or I couldn't have driven here..oh, they're on the floor.
You start walking to work.
Did I lock my car? Should I go back and check...how don't I remember if I locked my car?
You walk back, and your car was not locked. You lock it.
Great, now I'm late. How did I not look at the time? I wonder if my amazon package came in today. My husband is going to be pissed. I'm not sure why I ordered 15 books. I haven't read the other ones I ordered a few weeks ago. But they looked really good. I'll read them soon. OK, why are these people walking so slow?! Don't they know I'm late!!!! This is so aggravating. Literally, how do you not see people around you!?!??!
You arrive at work. You take your laptop and start walking into coworkers offices to chat and work at the same time. This helps you work better. Your coworker asks if you're still going out with the group tonight. You forgot and made a date night with your partner.
Ahhhhhh!!! How did I not remember this? I thought I put it in my calendar..I always do this, and double book everything. Now I have to cancel again.
You go back to your office.
OK, why are these lights so bright? I should turn them down, but then I'd be tired. Where did I put that paper? Did I leave it in my coworkers office? Wait, there it is. Maybe I'll just move my seat over here. Maybe if I sit crosslegged I'll be more comfy. I wish these chairs didn't have armrests, they get in the way. I could sit on the floor, maybe I'd work better. Why are people talking outside my door? That is so aggravating. Who keeps singing and tapping the walls???? Why!????
End of the day. You drive home but miss your exit. You don't notice. You end up backed up in traffic and feel really annoyed. Why do you always miss your exit? You put on the GPS to go back home.
You make it back home and start movie night with your partner. You pick the movie. It seems familiar, but you like it. Your partner is talking to you. You said yeah and keep watching.
This is a good movie...wow, it does seem kinda familiar..I wonder if the next thing that happens is -- how did I know that!? Interesting.
Your partner gets aggravated, "didn't you hear me?" You feel confused because you didn't hear anything. He says he's been talking and you never listen. But you didn't hear him. When did he even talk?
You tell him the movie is too loud. He turns it down. Your clothes feel itchy and that's annoying. You get up to change and come back. You start asking about his day. He tells you the movie is still on, and to pay attention. You get up to go to the bathroom, but then see the fridge and grab a soda and sit back down.
Wait, now you have to pee. You forgot to go to the bathroom. You go to the bathroom.
The sink is dirty. Why didn't I clean this? I thought I cleaned this. I should get the spray and clean this. I'll clean it now. Wait, I didn't put this box of toilet paper away? I'll do that now.
Your partner calls you and asks if you still want to watch the movie. You come back. You aren't comfortable. You sit on the floor. You pull out your phone and start scrolling. Then you pull out your laptop and start reading things. As the ending approaches, you realize you've seen this movie before. He changes the channel to ESPN.
I just realized I haven't done the homework due for tomorrow night.. God, I'm never going to finish this program. It's late and I'm tired. I could do it later. Maybe I could start it now. My brain is so fried though, I feel like I have no energy. I can't think of anything.
Your dog starts barking and running around. Your partner stands up, walks to the kitchen asks you a question. You don't even know what he said, but become aggravated and yell at him.
Why does he always ask me stupid things when I'm trying to think??? Why is the dog barking??? It's so loud!! Turn off the TV!! Why is he grabbing pans and moving things around right now, damnit just sit still. God, I'm so anxious right now. I don't even know where to start. I need to get this project done. Doesn't he know I have enough going on! I'm probably going to fail this stupid class now, and I'm hungry. Should I eat or start my project? I can't believe what my coworker said at work today. And I can't believe I forgot to hang out with the other one, I feel so bad. Did I even eat dinner? Did I take my medicine today? He will know if I took it, I'll ask him.
Your partner is standoffish now because you just yelled at him. You aren't sure why he's upset.
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ADHD is more than hyper boys running around the classroom, unable to sit still.
ADHD can make you appear aloof and sometimes like a "space cadet." Your mood will swing because you are constantly overwhelmed. You may yell at people you care about for moving, breathing, tapping, or just existing when you are overstimulated. Your relationships can be impacted - people will think you don't care about them because you space out. They may think you are rude because you interrupt, change the subject, space out or can't focus on the conversation.
You become anxious because you can't organize yourself and keep anything together. You feel bad about yourself - is something wrong with you?
Why can everyone else sit still and you can't? Why can other people remember things and you can't? Why are you always extremely late or extremely early? You feel like you have early onset dementia, or something.
ADHD can also come with sensory issues. Your clothing may bother you, you may be sensitive to lights, sounds, textures, smells, a lot of movement and/or foods. You may be overstimulated by these things very quickly. Going to stores or sitting in classrooms becomes a lot very quickly. ADHD can impact driving, and make you more likely to be prone to car accidents. You may realize that you slam on your brakes significantly more often than others you drive with. You also may notice you have random bruises but have no recollection of bumping into things. You may break a lot of bones, or get hurt often because you are so clumsy.
Functioning becomes extremely difficult.
It feels like an ongoing chatter in your brain. It doesn't turn off. It's like 10 radio stations playing at once. You have so many thoughts. So many ideas, and they don't make always make sense in the order they pop up.
Getting up to shower can be overwhelming. Planning to do things in the future can feel overwhelming. You may just continue to procrastinate until you realize years have gone by and other people have accomplished things..and you haven't. But your motivation just isn't there.
ADHD isn't just "difficulty focusing." No human can sit down and focus on non-preferred tasks without a little discipline. For people with ADHD, simple tasks can be significantly disabling and severely impact self-esteem.
I will say.. Medication can be a game changer.
I speak as a mental health professional, a psychiatric prescriber and a woman diagnosed as an adult with ADHD.
